I actually hear a lot of people, especially women, ask this question. They wonder why it is that when they go to a party they're one of the people that are standing alone in a corner, instead of having people talk to them non-stop. Or why is it that when a friend calls up and says she'd like to meet up and talk...have some "girl-time"....she ends being the third wheel trying to stay in a conversation that's just a two-way.
I've asked myself the same questions and recently, I've been asking them a lot. Like, why is it that people only call me when they need something or want something? Why do they forget that they've made plans with me and go off to do something else? Why are my text and phone calls ignored?
I don't have the answers to these questions. If I did, I'd be able to tell who's being my real friend and who's being the fake. To me, even writing this and reading this back to myself, I'm thinking: "Wow, I sound pathetic."
If that's what you're thinking...reader...whomever you are. You're absolutely right. In so many ways, I am pathetic, but I'm honest, I give it to people straight, I'm loyal, and I'm fucking insane. My problem is that I spend more time worrying about other peoples feelings, that I forgot how to take care of my own.
Now I feel like I'm being walked on and being taken for-granted. Is that what's going on? I have no idea. I don't know what's real anymore. Who are my friends? Who are my family? Are they family because you love them? Because they're there to witness your life? Or because they're blood? Does my boyfriend really love me and want to marry me? Or is he just saying things that he knows make me smile?
Switch boyfriend for girlfriend if you have to. But I'm not the only one with these questions. These worries. These delusions. Then again, maybe I am alone and just being pathetically stupid. What I do know...
Is that I'm The Girl with Dreams. And I'll never STOP dreaming!
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