Is there something wrong with me? Or am I just being silly?

   I actually hear a lot of people, especially women, ask this question. They wonder why it is that when they go to a party they're one of the people that are standing alone in a corner, instead of having people talk to them non-stop. Or why is it that when a friend calls up and says she'd like to meet up and talk...have some "girl-time"....she ends being the third wheel trying to stay in a conversation that's just a two-way.
   I've asked myself the same questions and recently, I've been asking them a lot. Like, why is it that people only call me when they need something or want something? Why do they forget that they've made plans with me and go off to do something else? Why are my text and phone calls ignored? 
   I don't have the answers to these questions. If I did, I'd be able to tell who's being my real friend and who's being the fake. To me, even writing this and reading this back to myself, I'm thinking: "Wow, I sound pathetic." 
   If that's what you're thinking...reader...whomever you are. You're absolutely right. In so many ways, I am pathetic, but I'm honest, I give it to people straight, I'm loyal, and I'm fucking insane. My problem is that I spend more time worrying about other peoples feelings, that I forgot how to take care of my own. 
   Now I feel like I'm being walked on and being taken for-granted. Is that what's going on? I have no idea. I don't know what's real anymore. Who are my friends? Who are my family? Are they family because you love them? Because they're there to witness your life? Or because they're blood? Does my boyfriend really love me and want to marry me? Or is he just saying things that he knows make me smile? 
   Switch boyfriend for girlfriend if you have to. But I'm not the only one with these questions. These worries. These delusions. Then again, maybe I am alone and just being pathetically stupid. What I do know...
   Is that I'm The Girl with Dreams. And I'll never STOP dreaming!
 

Tell Me The TRUTH!!!!

   You sit there with your lies and fibs stewing in your head like an evil witches potion brewing in her cauldron that you expect me to drink. 

   Parents tried to teach us that lying was bad, that there was no time that was good for you to lie. The sad part is, is that they don't set a good example. They lie, they cheat, they steal, and then they go home and tell their children that it's wrong. What they don't realize is that their children saw how it was done. They saw that some lies could be good for others.

   "Honey does this dress make me look fat?" The child is looking and wants to say yes to it's mother but the father turns and says: "Of course not sweetheart, you look amazing. But you know what, I like the blue dress better. Why don't you go put that one on?" Here is where the child sees that daddy lied, but the child also sees that mommy's feelings weren't hurt. So lying is good.

   Of course the kids eventually see that not all lies are good but they also still want to be the good person, so the lies that are meant to help others get told. What they don't realize is that those lies can also turn into the bad ones. They don't ever realize it. Those kids become teens and then those teens become adults and those lies...those good-heartened lies are now called fibs. 

   After three weeks into a relationship, the woman turns to her new man and asks: "Do you love me?". This man is taken by surprise. A part of him wants to run for the hills, but another part...a stronger part, says that he could fall for this girl. So to not hurt her feelings and possibly ruin the relationship, he caresses her face, looks her deep in the eyes and says: "I love everything we get to do together and I will love everything we'll continue to do. You are the only girl for me and I hope that that continues to stick." She's so happy with his response that she cuddles closer to him, but she doesn't realize and probably never will, that he didn't say: "I love you." 

   I've been told quite a few fibs in my time and some fibs have become truths while others have become vicious sharpened needles continuously poking my heart. 

   Even though the lies have already been told and even though you've had time to heal from them, you still feel the pain they caused when the memories of the time keep flooding back.

   I'm the Girl with Dreams. One of those dreams is to be loved and love comes in all sorts of packages. Friendship, Family love: Parental, sibling, niece or nephew, aunt or uncle...etc.., and even a lover. Forgive me for sounding selfish, but I want them all and I want them all to want me. 

   I'm not unlucky. I have what I need and I appreciate it and am grateful for it. That's why I call this a dream, because it is what I want.

   I am surrounded by so many and I can feel their truths and their lies and what are now called fibs. Surrounded by so many...and I feel invisible. Surrounded by so many and here I scream: "Tell Me The TRUTH!!!!" They scream back nothing. I feel alone. Am I here? Do I exist? Am I Real? I don't know.

   All I know, is that I'm The Girl with Dreams.